Looking Back, Living Forward
I’m writing this review to help me organise my thoughts and maybe even help someone else.
We all go through similar emotions and even if our experiences aren’t exactly the same, we can still understand each other.
I’ve found that documenting my experiences often has helped me understand myself better.
To make it easier for you to follow, I’ve broken it up into parts. So, let’s begin.
TIME
I’m starting with time because if our time in life had run out, I wouldn’t be writing this and you wouldn’t be reading it.
I think about the things I planned and prayed to achieve this year and how some of them came true. And one thing stood out — most of it needed time.
Don’t you observe it too?
With time, some of our worries melt away. The thought of them doesn’t seem as painful anymore.
I used to think (and sometimes still do) that I was going in circles, but looking at my progress, I can see that growth was actually happening.
I don’t want perfection — lol, we can’t ever be perfect anyway — but I hope that I continue to grow with time.
FORBEARANCE
This year has been all about distinguishing between patience and forbearance in my life, and, forbearance is much harder to practise.
When it’s easier to take the wrong path, even if it’s not good in the long run, it takes a lot of effort to be forbearing.
One thing that helps me is seeking patience through Allah.
He is Al Haleem, the Most Forbearing, and if He can be patient with us, His servants — giving us time to come back to Him and find ways to seek His mercy, we should forbear too — with qadr.
But even then, we can never be like Him.
Sometimes, I still ask for relief, something to hold on to, a sign that He hears and sees me.
And like our Prophet Ibrahim (AS) said, I only ask so my heart can be at peace.
“…[Allah] said, “Have you not believed?” He said, “Yes, but [I ask] only that my heart may be satisfied…” -Q 2:260
And He does calm my fears. I see His signs, whether they’re obvious or subtle or small, because my Lord is not afraid to use even the smallest things as a sign.
“Indeed, Allah is not timid to present an example — that of a mosquito or what is smaller than it…” -Q 2:26
REMEMBRANCE
We remember Allah so that He will remember us, and we are able to remember Him because He remembered us first.
That’s some top tier mercy, if you ask me.
As I go through my documents, I think to myself,
“I remember You, so I do/don’t do this deed, with the hope that You remember me when I seek from you. And even if I forget that I remembered You, You always remembered me. You never forgot me, however long it took.”
I hope that we can all remember Allah more, sincerely, at all times.
LOVE AND KINDNESS
There is a love that is greater than a mother’s love — Al Wadud’s love.
He is so kind to me and to us, even when we make mistakes and forget.
He still gives us respite and is still our Helper.
“…Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred…” -Q 2:286
Forgiveness brings us His love and mercy, and what else do we need when we have both of those things?
I am grateful for a loving family, for kind hearts that I met this year, and for the support of friendships. I see Allah in all of it, how gently and subtly He helps me. Alhamdulillah
WHISPERS. FEAR. FAITH.
These days, when I do Dhikr, I really focus on that part of Surah Nas that says “min sharri waswaas…” because Shaytan is working overtime.
We can’t control the thoughts that come into our minds, but what we do with them matters.
This year, I’ve had my share of negative thoughts, like wondering if my patience was worth it or if things will get better.
It’s easy to get lost in the “ifs” and “whys,” but remember that Allah is closer to you than your jugular veins.
Seek refuge with Him and you’ll find Him seeing and protective.
Remember, He promised ease with hardship, so seek the ease.
And He never fails in His promises. In shaa Allah, you’ll find it.
I AM TO YOU, AS YOU THINK
Sometimes, when something good happens, we start to wonder if it’s going to last or if Allah is really being generous and kind to us. Same with the “bad”.
But can’t Allah handle it? Isn’t our Lord Merciful and Mighty?
Embrace the good feelings and look forward to more blessings in the future, In shaa Allah.
Again, these are words for me, first.
But I hope you find something helpful in them to guide your own journey.
Thank you for reading. Peace☺
